The Adventures of Superman and the Sea Lion
by dragonprincess1988
Summary: Clark is used to receiving strange orders from Bruce, so he doesn't think twice about it when he gets a call telling him to meet Batman at the Gotham Zoo.


Clark is used to receiving strange orders from Bruce, so he doesn't think twice about it when he gets a call telling him to meet Batman at the Gotham Zoo - specifically in front of the sea lion exhibit. Clark simply tells Lois that he's going to be late for dinner, even though it's mid-day, and takes off in the direction of Gotham. Of course, once he's actually at the zoo, Clark realizes that instead of telling Lois that he was going to be late, he should have told her that he was going to miss dinner completely. The zoo looks as though it's been through one heck of a battle, and Clark can only guess that Batman wants his help getting animals back into their enclosures. He guesses he should have expected this. This is Gotham, after all, and nothing in Gotham is ever simple.

Superman lands in front of Batman, Robin, Red Robin, and Red Hood, who are all standing in a circle around a rather large sea lion, who seems to perk up at his presence. "So, I take it you need some help getting this guy back into his habitat?" There don't seem to be any other animals running about, so maybe Clark won't miss dinner, after all.

Red Robin shakes his head. "Not exactly."

Clark isn't sure why they called him, if they don't want him to put the sea lion back; but he's sure it's for a reason. The Bats never do anything without a purpose. "Why am I here, then?"

"You're taking him back to the cave."

Clark's eyes widen at Batman's demand. "You want me to what? You can't just take a sea lion from the zoo."

"He doesn't belong to the zoo." Robin glares at him as he stands almost protectively in front of the sea lion.

Clark stares at Bruce for a long moment before crouching down to Robin's level. He can't believe Bruce is actually trying to let the kid take a sea lion home. He doesn't even know where Bruce thinks he's going to put the animal. "I know you think that you're doing the right thing here, Robin, but this sea lion needs to stay here. The zoo is his home. It's not right to take him from his friends."

Red Hood starts laughing hysterically at that. "I think someone should fill in Big Blue, don't you, boss man?"

Batman grunts and gestures to Red Robin, who clears his throat before speaking. "Um, we had a little mishap while tracking down a sorcerer. Say hi to Nightwing." Red Robin gestures toward the sea lion, who waves his right front flipper and barks loudly.

Clark definitely thinks he should call Lois and cancel dinner altogether. She can't be too mad at him, right? It's not every day that a member of the Bat family gets turned into a marine mammal, after all. "I see. So, where do you intend to put him? You can't just leave him in the Batcave until the spell wears off."

Batman glares at him. "That's none of your concern."

Clark knows that means that Bruce has every intention of just leaving Dick in the cave for the duration of his time as a sea lion. "There is no way I'm just going to let you leave him in the cave."

Bruce's glare only intensifies as he growls out, "We'll discuss this later. Just get him home."

Clark knows when there's no point to continuing an argument, so instead of reasserting that he really isn't going to allow Dick to be left in the cold dark cave, Superman merely hauls the 600 pound sea lion up above his head and takes off in the direction of the cave. He flies relatively slowly to keep from harming Dick. Clark's not really sure how they end up in situations like this, but well, it's Gotham… and that's usually enough explanation for most people. He just hopes it's enough of an explanation for Lois, whom he still needs to call.

Clark meets Alfred in the cave, and he isn't even remotely surprised to see that the older man isn't fazed in the slightest by the sea lion currently balancing on his front flippers and shuffling around the cave. "I take it you've already been informed about Dick's…um…misfortune."

"Indeed, I have, sir, and I've already begun making preparations for Master Richard's new care regimen. However, I am having a bit of trouble procuring enough fish and squid for the master's new dietary needs. I also need to acquire a place to store his new food supply and a few other things."

Clark glances over at Dick, who has decided that trying to balance on Bruce's chair is a good idea. He's half tempted to stop him, but Clark figures Dick knows what he's doing, even if he is a marine animal right now. He watches Dick struggle to get onto the chair with his front flippers for a few moments before turning his attention back towards Alfred. "Well, if you think you'll be okay with him for a bit, I'm sure I can get you what you need."

"That would be most appreciated, sir." Alfred hands him a list before sending Clark on his way.

It isn't shocking to discover an animal that big needs to eat a lot of food, but 36 pounds of fish and squid a day seems a little excessive, if you ask him. Still, it's on Alfred's list, and even Clark knows not to argue with the butler's instructions. His first stop is at a restaurant supply store to get a large industrial freezer, and then Clark makes his way to the fish market. He gets a lot of strange looks, but surprisingly no one asks why Superman needs so much seafood, which he guesses is something that he should be eternally grateful for, given that he doesn't really have an explanation. The next stop is to find an exceedingly large quantity of salt, which is actually easier than Clark would have expected. It's like being on the world's oddest scavenger hunt, and he still has quite a few things to gather before he can head back.

When Clark returns to the cave, the others are back and they have Dick hooked up to a bunch of machines. He almost doesn't want to ask what they're doing, but he feels compelled to do so, given that Dick can't. "What's going on?"

Red Robin is the only one to so much as glance in Clark's direction, which would be irritating if he wasn't so used to it. "We're making sure his vitals are where they should be, and there isn't anything wrong with him. You know, besides the obvious."

Clark sighs. It's not as though he didn't expect the Bats' paranoia, but he does have to admit it seems a little excessive, especially when Bruce takes a blood sample. He can't imagine Bruce's knowledge of marine mammals is really that extensive, then again, maybe it is. He is Batman, after all. "Right, I'll just leave you guys to it while I go find out where Alfred wants me to put all of the fish."

Clark turns to find Alfred standing right behind him, as though the man has been summoned by the mere mention of his name. "Thank you for obtaining everything on my list. You may place the freezer over in that back corner." Alfred gestures to a sizeable portion of the cave, which has evidently been cleared for this express purpose. Clark shrugs and does as he's told. After he sets up the freezer and makes sure that it's working properly, he follows Alfred upstairs and out to the pool, which has been completely drained. He dumps in the salt to Alfred's specifications as the other man begins filling the pool once again with water.

Once the pool is full, Clark tosses in the various beach balls and other toys Alfred had him pick up while he was out. "Is there anything else you need help with Alfred?"

"If you would be so kind as to retrieve Master Richard from the basement, I'm sure he would welcome a reprieve from Master Bruce's examination."

Clark nods and makes his way back down to the cave. He's expecting to find Dick still hooked up to the various machines, so he's a little startled to see him balancing on top of the pommel horse with his front flippers, and his tail and head arched up towards the ceiling. If that wasn't impressive enough, Clark notices that Dick is balancing a batarang on his nose.

Bruce is, of course, at his computer, ignoring the sea lion's antics, but Red Hood, Red Robin, and Robin are all watching the little performance. Suddenly, Red Hood nudges Red Robin. "It's just our luck that he got turned into something that's just as flexible as he is."

Tim shrugs. "It's Dick, what else did you expect?"

Damian scowls at Dick, but Clark can tell that he's enjoying the show. "Grayson seems to be particularly fond of his new form. Perhaps, we shouldn't bother to change him back."

Jason smirks at the kid. "Sure, if you don't mind a 600 pound sea lion climbing into your bed for cuddles, then be my guest. He's more preferable in this form anyway… less talking."

Dick clearly takes offense to Jason's words, because he starts barking loudly. The batarang clatters to the floor as Dick, howling the whole time, gets down from the pommel horse, and makes his way over toward Jason. Tim laughs and leaves them to it, presumably heading for his room, while Jason throws his Red Hood helmet at Dick, who catches it in his back flippers and tosses it back at Jason. From there a wrestling match ensues between Jason and Dick, with Damian looking on from the other side of the cave, and snickering when Dick manages to smack Jason in the face with his back flipper, which makes Jason curse loudly and double his efforts in trying to win the match.

Clark never thought he would ever witness the Red Hood being smacked around by a sea lion, but he has to admit it's a pretty hilarious scene. Still, he tries not to laugh outright at Jason's plight, but he's fairly certain that he fails miserably. He's no Batman, after all, and Bruce is still just working at the computer, but Clark can tell that he's enjoying listening to the ruckus going on behind him by the small almost invisible smile on his face and the way his typing has slowed by a handful of milliseconds… imperceptible to the average human, but Clark isn't human, and he picks up on it immediately.

When the wrestling match finally ends with Dick declared the unofficial winner and Jason grumbling about how using his tail was cheating, Clark offers to move Dick outside near the pool. Dick's only reply is an exaggerated nod and a happy bark. Clark smiles to himself as he lifts Dick over his head once again and makes his way outside. The moment he sets Dick down on the cement next to the pool, Dick dives into the water, seemingly enjoying the cool salt water.

Clark turns to go back inside, letting Dick have his fun in the water, but the moment his back is turned he hears a loud howl and the sudden sound of water and skin slapping against cement. He turns around to see Dick sliding across the wet cement with a green Frisbee in his mouth. "So, you want me to play with you?"

Dick nods, drops the Frisbee at Clark's feet, and claps his front flippers together while barking happily. Clark throws the Frisbee into the air, and watches in amazement as Dick back flips, catching the Frisbee in his teeth, before landing with a splash in the water. He swims over and gives the Frisbee back to Clark. Clark knows he has to be careful about how far and how high he throws the Frisbee, knowing that the Olympic sized swimming pool is actually rather small for the now seven foot long sea lion, but Dick doesn't seem to mind as he jumps out of the water over and over again to catch the Frisbee. After a dozen tosses at varying heights, Dick gets bored with the Frisbee and gestures with his entire upper body towards the hula hoops Alfred had Clark pick up earlier.

Clark immediately takes the hint, and grabs two of them, holding them up for Dick to jump through, and then tossing them at Dick, and watching with a smile on his face as Dick catches them around his neck, before swimming over and allowing Clark to take them off of him. Clark then throws one of the hoops into the center of the pool, and watches as Dick back flips and dives through it. The two of them spend hours playing, Dick's whiskers and lips arched upwards in the most ecstatic grin a sea lion could have the entire time.

It's nearly dark when Alfred comes out to give Dick a pile of pillows and blankets. "I'm afraid you'll be spending the night out here, young sir. However, I didn't feel it necessary for you to be without certain comforts."

Clark and Alfred work together to set up a decent sized nest for Dick to sleep on, and once Alfred deems the makeshift bed acceptable; he turns to Dick, petting him gently on the head. "I'll bring out your dinner momentarily, Master Dick." Dick barks happily as the two of them head back inside, leaving Dick to roll around in his makeshift bed.

They head straight down to the cave to retrieve the necessary amount of fish and squid for Dick, Clark refusing to allow Alfred to haul all of it upstairs by himself. He can tell the older man appreciates it, even if Alfred does insist that Clark's help is unwarranted. When the two of them enter the kitchen to prepare Dick's dinner, they're both more than a little shocked to find that Dick has made his way into the kitchen, from the clearly opened back door, and is juggling the cookie jar on his nose.

Alfred recovers first, launching into the lecture of a lifetime about antique cookie jars and ruining one's diet as he replaces said cookie jar onto the counter. Dick gives them both the saddest most downcast expression Clark has ever seen on any animal. His whiskers, nose, and eyes all directed at the floor, as he lies down, and then Dick uses his front flippers to cover his face. Clark isn't sure how Alfred manages to ignore such an earnest expression, because it's melting his heart, but the older gentleman doesn't seem to be buying it one bit.

Instead, Alfred merely gestures for Dick to leave his kitchen, and they both watch - Clark with an amused expression, and Alfred with an exasperated one - as Dick shuffles his way out the back door. Once they're sure that Dick has learned his lesson, Alfred tosses Clark an apron and gestures for him to go grab the squid. Clark quickly learns that cooking with Alfred is nothing like cooking with Ma. For starters, Alfred does not let Clark use his heat vision…not even once.

The two of them manage to prepare all of Dick's food without a single incident, which Alfred assures Clark is practically unheard of in this household. It makes him wonder what sorts of incidents have occurred in the past, but Clark knows better than to ask. They place Dick's dinner in a large bowl and Clark carries it outside, ignoring Alfred's insistence that it's quite unnecessary of him.

Clark walks outside to find Dick stretched out in his nest of pillows and covers, and pauses the moment he realizes that Dick isn't alone. Clark can't help the fond smile that creeps onto his face when he realizes the smaller lump lying on top of Dick is Damian, who has fallen asleep on top of the sea lion. Dick, for his part, looks about as content as can be with the youngest Robin sprawled over him. Clark is slightly surprised that he didn't notice Damian coming outside at any point, but it's not that astounding, all things considered. He is Bruce's son, after all. Clark quietly leaves Dick's dinner near him, and then heads back inside.

Clark decides to stick around, and help Alfred clean up a bit. The older man periodically asks about Ma and Pa, and what they've been up to lately. Clark appreciates the inquiry. It's been a while since he's had such a relaxing day. Its a few hours later when he wanders back outside to check on Dick, and make sure that he's eaten his dinner. Damian is gone, not that Clark really expected him to still be there, but Dick still isn't alone. Instead of Damian keeping Dick company, Clark finds Tim sitting beside Dick, reading a book under the ambient outdoor lights hanging above them, while he gently pets Dick's head. Clark grins as he goes to join the two of them.

Dick perks up slightly when he sees Clark approach, and Clark gives a small wave in greeting. "Did you have a nice nap?"

Dick nods slightly to keep his head from slipping off of Tim's lap. Tim glances up at Clark for a moment. "I heard you spent the afternoon playing with Dick. You could have asked one of us to come outside, you know?"

Clark laughs as he shakes his head. "I had fun. It was a great way to spend my time."

Tim merely shrugs and goes back to reading his book. Clark is just about to head back inside when he hears Dick huff out a breath and nudge Tim with his nose. Tim doesn't bother to pause his reading, so Dick gets up onto his back flippers, and starts gently slapping Tim in the face with his front flippers. Tim sighs as he puts down his book. "Is there something you need, Dick?"

Dick gestures with his entire upper body for Tim to stand up. The boy does so, and before either one of them can react, Dick shoves into Tim with his entire body, pushing him forward into the pool. The book Tim was holding goes flying up into the air, and Clark swiftly swoops into grab it before it can be ruined by the water. Tim fights his way to the surface, coughing and trying desperately to rub the salt water out of his eyes. He makes his way over to the side of the pool, and immediately glares at Dick. "What the heck was that for?"

Dick gives him a sheepish look before slipping his right flipper into his mouth and staring up at Tim with the big, dark eyes. Clark can't help but chuckle at the adorable expression, even though it seems to only make Tim fume more. "I swear, you're like a child, and FYI, salt water stings." Tim pulls himself up out of the pool, and stands dripping heavily for a few moments before making his way back inside, muttering to himself the entire time.

Clark silently watches him go, before turning back to Dick. "That wasn't very nice."

Dick seemingly shrugs and barks twice. Clark shakes his head and goes to grab the empty bowl lying beside Dick's bed. He's startled by the sudden sound of laughter behind him, and Clark spins around to find Jason standing behind him. "Nice, Dickie-bird. I don't think I've ever seen baby-bird that irritated before. He looked like an infuriated wet cat."

Dick throws back his head, nearly touching his tail with the stretch, and making a sound reminiscent of laughter. He then beckons Jason over with a wave of his front flipper, and once Jason is within range Dick belches loudly in his face. Jason growls as he pushes Dick into the pool. "Ew, gross, what the heck did you eat? That smelled like death…gross fishy death."

Dick quickly makes his way to the surface of the water, and then uses his tail to cause a wave of water to go crashing into Jason. "Oh, you are so dead. I swear, the moment you are no longer a disgusting sea mammal, I will make you beg for mercy." Jason then starts launching the pool toys at Dick, and Clark decides to leave the two of them to it. Surely, dealing with two former Robins trying to kill each other with pool accessories is a job for Batman.

Clark makes his way to Bruce's office. He has every intention of just letting the man know that he's going to head home, and to feel free to call him if he needs any help with Dick, but instead he's left waiting for Bruce to finish what sounds like the most boring phone conversation Clark has ever overheard. He sits on the black leather sofa in Bruce's study, waiting patiently for Bruce to hang up, but Clark's attention is drawn toward the other side of the room when hears the sound of the door creaking open. He turns to see Dick making his way into the study, and Clark can only imagine the lecture Alfred is going to give him about the wet trail leading from the pool to here.

Dick makes his way over to Bruce, who is sitting at his desk, doing a fairly convincing job of ignoring Dick's presence all together. Dick, however, seems to think Bruce has spent enough time working, because he starts nudging Bruce's chair with his head, and then presses his wet nose against Bruce's pant leg. When that proves fruitless, Dick decides drastic measures must be taken, and pushes his head against the chair until he manages to spin Bruce around, who still has yet to acknowledge Dick's presence in the room.

After what seems like hours of Dick persistently nudging Bruce's chair, the man ends his phone conversation and glances down at Dick. "Is there something I can do for you, Dick?"

Dick barks at full volume, gets up on his hind flippers, and gives Bruce a giant sea lion hug, leaving Bruce's shirt and pants damp from his wet fur. Once he finally releases Bruce from his hug, Dick places his head over the arm of Bruce's chair. "I doubt Alfred will be pleased with the mess you've left on his carpets."

Dick howls lowly at Bruce's comment, seemingly only realizing now that his presence in the manor might be a bad idea. Clark laughs at the two of them, and then bids them both a good night. He pats Dick on the head a few times, and leaves before Alfred discovers the mess Dick made.

Clark is halfway home when his cell phone starts ringing, and without so much as a second thought he answers it immediately. "Late, huh?"

Clark cringes, and tries to sound as remorseful as possible. "Oops, sorry, I knew I forgot something."

"So, what was it this time? An earthquake? A volcano? An Avalanche? A hurricane? A tornado?"

Clark sighs as he mentally prepares himself for Lois's response. "Nightwing got transformed into a sea lion."

There's a full minute of silence before Lois bursts into laughter. "You really don't need to come up with such an outlandish story to cover up the fact that you were busy doing something lame like saving a cat from a tree, farm boy."

"No, no, I was really…"

"Yeah, yeah, I'll see you when you get here." The line goes dead, and Clark merely sighs to himself. He figures it's better than her anger, even if he knows Lois is never going to let this go.

The End


End file.
